


Fix It

by YourSupernaturalSammyGirl (Soojinnie)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Breakup Fic, F/M, I'm Sorry, it wasn't supposed to be angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-20 23:36:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4806473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soojinnie/pseuds/YourSupernaturalSammyGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine your brother, Castiel, being furious with Dean, your boyfriend, after you two get into a fight. </p><p>“Dean?” Cas asked gruffly, noting that he was drinking straight from the bottle of whiskey. </p><p>“I fucked up. I fucked up big time,” Dean answered, downing another gulp of whiskey with a slight grimace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, sorry for not posting as much I’ve just been procrastinating SO HARD LATELY. Anyway… this is just an imagine that’s been sitting around for forever. Oops. I’M SORRY IT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS ANGSTY.

 “Listen, I’m sorry, it was an accident!”

 

“Fuck you Dean Winchester!”

 

It was a lot of door slamming, loud yelling, and things breaking that night in the Bunker.

 

Dean picked up the nearest thing, which happened to be the lamp, and threw it hard across the room, shattering it against the wall as he let out a shout, before he slid down the side of the wall, head in his hands.

 

He had fucked up. And he knew it.

 

All it took was one look, and you knew he was guilty. One glimpse into his mind, and your worst fears were confirmed. You were in your room, trying to compose yourself as you packed, but tears kept blurring your vision. You whimpered, hands shaking, pain lancing through you as the image from Dean’s mind seared itself into your brain. Your wings, black with gold weaved into the feathers, wrapped around you protectively as you tried to forget the pain, anger, and heartbreak that threatened to rip you apart.

 

You slid onto the floor, choked sobs escaping your lips, hands gripped tight in the fabric of the flannel as you try hard to maintain your calm. Everything was good, happy, loving, and then he had to do this. You screamed, letting the pain escape momentarily, letting your grace flood the room, filling it with blindingly bright light, before pulling everything back into yourself.

 

“Y/N? Is everything alright? Why are you crying?” a light whoosh sound indicated that your brother was here.

“Nothing Cas, it’s nothing,” you sniffed, forcing yourself to continue packing.

Cas frowned, and tilted your face up to his, trying to understand what you had meant. You pulled your face away from him and continued packing, moving around the room and grabbing your essentials.

“Y/N,”

“It’s nothing,” you ground out, tears still falling down your face.  

“Don’t lie to me Y/N, or I will ask Dean,” Cas warned, hoping to push you to tell him, but it instead had the opposite reaction.

You glared at him, anger radiating from you as your tear streaked face contorted.

“Ask him then,” you yelled harshly, turning your back to your beloved brother and continuing to pack.

 

Castiel was confused, but the thought of someone hurting Y/N made his blood boil. He decided to seek out the older Winchester, to try and find out what had happened.

Sam had seen Cas walk out the door and decided that it was relatively safe to go see how you were holding up.

“Y/N?” Sam asked, carefully entering your room.

You were sitting on your bed, staring down at your hands.

“Are you really going to leave?” Sam asked, taking a seat beside you.

You nod, not trusting your voice to make it through without another flood of emotions rushing through you.

“Good,” Sam said, and you looked up in surprise. “Yeah, good for you. Dean’s my brother, and I will always love him as my brother, but he’s not right for you. All he’s going to do is hurt you. He’s already done so countless times before, why do you keep forgiving him?”

You shake your head, knowing the answer but not wanting to tell Sam.

“Why?” Sam asked, wrapping an arm around you.

“Because I love him, dammit!” you cry out angrily, wrenching yourself away from Sam’s embrace. “I love the way he smiles at me and kisses me. I love the way his eyes sparkle with laughter when he thinks of something funny. I love the way he talks about you and Baby and Charlie and Cas, with so much pride and love and happiness. I love the way he’s cocky when he takes on monsters, always so confident about ganking them. I love the way he looks at me. I love the way he looks when he’s cooking up something new in the kitchen,” you paused, tears sliding down your face as you turned to face Sam. “I love him, but he doesn’t love me,” your voice trails off into a broken whisper and you slid onto the ground, heart wrenching sobs ripping themselves from your throat.

Sam could only wrap his arms around you, hugging you tight as you felt your world slowly crumble around you.

 

“Dean?” Cas asked gruffly, noting that he was drinking straight from the bottle of whiskey.

“I fucked up. I fucked up big time,” Dean answered, downing another gulp of whiskey with a slight grimace.

“What did you do?” Cas’ voice turned menacing, and anger began leaking out from his form.

“I screwed up with Y/N, and now she’s never going to want to see me again. Righteous Man, pfft,” Dean scoffed, looking guiltily into the bottle before taking another swig.

“Dean. What. Did. You. Do.” Cas demanded, and Dean finally looked up at his longtime friend, and said two words that made Castiel see red.

 

“I cheated.”

 

Before the word had fully left Dean’s lips, Cas had already punched Dean hard across his face. Cas moved at an inhumane speed, picking Dean up like a ragdoll and pushing him hard into the wall, holding him by his neck.

 

“She gave you everything!” Cas snarled, punching Dean in the face again, hearing the satisfying crunch of bone giving way.

 

“She loved you with everything she had!” He roared, grabbing Dean by his shirt and punching him in the stomach.

 

“Cas, please,” Dean gasped, blood dripping from his face.

 

“How dare you treat her like this?” He bellowed, kicking Dean and sending him flying into the wall, before he crumpled, gasping for air.

 

“You aren’t worthy of her love, her laughter, her happiness,” Cas spat, fury evident in his eyes as he stared down at Dean’s collapsed form.

 

“Do it,” Dean rasped, coughing up blood.

 

“Don’t.”

 

Both men turned to you, surprised. You had a duffle filled with your most important belongings, and you just wanted to leave. Sam had a hand on your shoulder, and he squeezed it comfortingly, silently lending you his support.

“Cas, heal him, please,” you asked quietly, voice rough from your crying.

Cas glared at Dean but reluctantly healed him, letting Dean gasp in pain as he felt his bones repair themselves.

“All I asked for was loyalty. Nothing more. And even this simple request you couldn’t keep,” you whispered, voice carrying over clearly to where Dean was.

“Baby I’m –” Dean started, but you held up a finger, silencing him.

“I never want to see you again,” you answered, picking up your bag and turning to leave.

 

“Goodbye Dean.”


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks are in the italics sections.

You sat in the motel room, mind running in a thousand different directions.

_“Should you go?”_

_“Should you stay?”_

Throwing your hands up in frustration, you prayed to your brother, Castiel, hoping he could shed some light on your predicament.

“You called, Y/N? Is everything alright?” Cas asked, sensing the turmoil within you.

“Sam called.” You muttered, running your hands through your already messy hair.

Cas scowled. It had been five months since you had walked away from the Winchesters, so why was Sam calling now?

“About what?” Cas ground out, already suspecting that he knew the answer.

He and Dean’s relationship had quickly crumbled, with Cas being unable to forgive Dean for hurting you, and as a result, he had barely seen the older Winchester either.

“Dean,” you sighed, moving to put your clothes into your duffle. “Sam said all he’s done is hunt, drink, pass out, repeat. He’s worried Dean might be trying something more drastic, take on more than he can handle. Cas, I can’t ignore this,” you turn to him, eyes beseeching for him to understand.

You knew of their broken relationship, and you felt partly responsible, but Cas’ logic was sound. There was no point for either of you to keep in contact with them after what had happened.

“Do you still love him?” Cas asked quietly, startling blue eyes boring into your own.

You stopped packing, sitting on the creaky bed, picking at the fraying linen.

Did you? You still thought about his smile and how he made you laugh, but you didn’t miss him, not particularly, and you couldn’t rid the bitterness and anger that came with those happier memories. This was the first time in a while you had thought of his arms wrapped around you, blanketing you in a cocoon of safety and warmth.

Could you love someone but not be in love with them?

That realization his you like a freight train, and you took a deep breath.

“I… Cas I love him, and I think I always will, but I’m not in love with him. I don’t think I have been for a long time,” you turned to Cas, who frowned in confusion.

“I don’t really know how to explain it Cas. Loving someone is worrying about them, caring for them, wanting to help them when they need it, loving the way they feel when you’re having sex, feeling the sexual chemistry and that burst of feeling, love, and happiness. Being in love, it’s like needing the person like you need air and water. It’s all consuming, passionate, frustrating, and painful, but it’s also beautiful, rare, and worth fighting for. Being in love isn’t comfortable. It’s terrifying, but it’s safety and security. You know that the person will do what’s best for you, and do what’s best by you. It’s feeling that burst of love and happiness not just when you’re having sex, but all the time, when you’re reading, watching TV, or when he comes back from a grocery run,” you paused, gathering your thoughts, while Cas listened with rapt attention, head cocked slightly to one side.

“I’m not in love with Dean, and I don’t think I ever was. I don’t want to fight for us, because there is nothing left to fight for, not anymore,” you breathed, feeling an invisible weight lift from your shoulders.

Cas sat stone still, still absorbing everything you had said, and turned to you, blue eyes filled with concern and pride.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” you kissed his cheek, heaving the duffle over your shoulder, and heading towards the door.

You both flew to the Bunker’s entrance, and you took a deep breath, feeling a pang as you remembered the happy memories you had once created.

* * *

_You and Dean were staring out into the vast darkness, admiring the inky sky, littered with millions upon millions of stars._

_“There is a legend, that the angels were the ones who spread the stars out as beautifully as they did,” you murmured, turning in Dean’s arms to face him._

_“Really? They missed one,” he whispered, kissing you gently. “because you’re the most beautiful star I see.”_

* * *

The creaking of the Bunker’s door snapped you out of your reverie, and you looked up to see Sam walking out. Before you could open your mouth to say hello, he had wrapped you in a tight hug, and you returned it. In your desperation to get as far away as possible from Dean, you had cut all ties with Sam as well, and now you were beginning to realize just how much you had missed his company.

“Thank god you’re here. Dean’s getting ready for another hunt. Fifth one in two weeks,” he sighed, his body tense as his frustration and worry permeated the air.

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise, and you feel a twinge of worry for him. Pushing past Sam, you walk down the stairs to see Dean moving around the Bunker, grabbing various things for his hunt. Your boots clacked on the stairs, but Dean ignored them, not even bothering to look up.

“Look, Sammy, I know you think it’s suicidal or whatever, taking on five vamps at once, but I’ll be fine. I just want to get back to work and –” he began protesting, still not noticing you.

“Dean.”

He froze, eyes flying up to meet yours, as he heard your voice echo in the empty living room. Shock raced through him as he took you in, wearing flannel and shorts with your favourite combat boots, a concerned frown etched onto your beautiful face. Dean stared, drinking in the sight of you again after so many nights of drinking himself into oblivion, hoping that you would come back, dreaming of this particular moment.

“Dean, stop,” you quickly wrenched the machete from his hand, pushing the hunting gear away from him, and Dean snapped out of his stupor.

“What… what are you doing here?” he asked hoarsely, calloused hand coming up to cup your cheek tenderly.

You pulled away, not looking him in the eyes, and Dean felt his heart break all over again. You still didn’t want him back.

“Sam called. Dean, stop this. You’re going to kill yourself going after those vamps,” you tried again, reaching out to touch his shoulder, only to have him flinch away, eyes narrowed as fire returned to those forest green depths.

“Oh. Sammy called and you came running?” he sneered, glaring at you.

 _“Good,”_ you thought, “ _Better him angry with me than going on his damned suicide mission, right?_ ”

“Dean, Sam called because he was worried about you!” you retorted, “and so am I,” you added after a moment, voice softer than before.

He scoffed, glancing up to see Sam and Cas heading into the library, giving them their privacy.

“Worried? You didn’t seem too worried when I left you all those voicemails, or when I was fucking begging you to stay! I love you Y/N, why can’t you see that?” he threw up his hands, the pent up emotions finally running free.

You looked down at your hands, the heartache at hearing those voicemails coming back full force.

* * *

_You looked at your phone as it vibrated almost non-stop. Picking it up, you dialled the number for your voicemail._

_\- You have 50 new voicemails. -_

_“Y/N, please, I’m so sorry. Come back and we can talk about it. I love you.”_

_“Please baby, I love you. I need you.”_

_“It was an accident! It didn’t mean anything, I swear!”_

_“Y/N, please.”_

_It hurt, to see him to desperate for you, but you couldn’t go back to him. He’d cheated on you, and you’d sworn to yourself that you would walk away from anyone who cheated, no matter who he was. You just never imagined it would be the Righteous Man himself, Dean Winchester._

* * *

They were all the same, Dean begging you to stay, that he was sorry, that it didn’t mean anything, but it didn’t matter anymore. Your relationship with him was over, and he needed to see that.

Dean didn’t know what to think of your silence, but he knew he’d fucked up sleeping with that girl, but his heart was still with you. It had always been, and then you had gone and shredded it to pieces.

You squared your shoulders, taking a deep breath and gripped his shoulder.

“Dean, you might love me, but you were never in love with me,” you murmured, looking straight into his intense olive eyes.

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Dean huffed, leaning resignedly on the table, waiting for you to continue.

“Loving someone…” you started, then cleared your throat, your hands fidgeting in your lap. “Loving someone is feeling an intimate fondness. You worry about them, miss them occasionally, and you do what you can to help them.”

You held up your hand, telling Dean to let you finish first. He closed his mouth and nodded, looking at you intently.

“Being in love… it’s all in. It’s all consuming intimacy. Your chest aches when they’re not there, and you want to get closer to them even if you’re right next to one another. It’s relaxing completely, letting your guard down and opening up without even realizing. It’s terrifying and exhilarating at the same time, and it’s hard work. Being in love is fiery passion and frigid fights, but it’s also making sure their happiness is important. It’s knowing that they wouldn’t agree on something you’re about to do, and not… not doing it,” your voice broke at the end, and Dean looked away, unable to meet your eyes as guilt and shame filled him once more.

Was it true?

Everything you said, was it true?

Dean sat still, thoughts running wild as he processed what you had said. Had he really fallen out of love with you?

* * *

_Dean looked over at Y/N’s sleeping face, tucked into the crook of his arm, and felt… nothing. It was comfortable, simmering, but it wasn’t the fiery love he had thought it would have been. It was… safe._

* * *

_“I love you!” you called, sending a bright smile in Dean’s direction as you headed out to do the groceries._

_“Love you too,” Dean replied, but it was automatic, and he barely noticed when you were gone._

* * *

_“Why so serious, sugar?” the girl asked, hand sliding down his bicep._

_“I… I have a girlfriend,” Dean mumbled, making a halfhearted attempt to move away._

_“She doesn’t have to know about this. It could be our little secret.” She purred tiptoeing to whisper in his ear._

_He grabbed her hand and left, thoughts of how you would feel left behind with the half finished glass of whiskey._

* * *

“I… I’m sorry Y/N,” he murmured, hand cupping your cheek. “I’m sorry I fucked up and ruined everything. I’m sorry I didn’t end it when I should have. I’m so, so sorry I hurt you, and made you leave. I… fuck. If there’s anything I regret the most, it’s that I lost you. My best friend. The person who pisses Sammy off blasting AC/DC in Baby when we’re driving, the best friend who knew her cars as well as she knew her guns. I’m so sorry,” Dean pulled away from you, fists clenched tight, and you could feel the self-hatred oozing from his every pore.

“Dean, stop it. I know you well enough to know you’re blaming yourself. Stop it,” you grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop his pacing.

He let out a bitter laugh, and you use your strength to turn him to face you.

“It’s both our faults. I mean, what happened to us? We used to be so tight, and then this happened,” you sighed, letting go, a stab of melancholy flowing through you.

You let your mind wander; reminiscing of the better times, before everything just kind of… fell apart.

* * *

_Dean I swear, if you don’t admit Bon Jovi rocks I will whoop your ass,” you warned, sides aching with laughter as you helped Dean wash Baby._

_“Fine, fine, he’s good. But you can’t beat artists like Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Guns ‘N’ Roses. They are rock gods,” Dean retaliated, and you rolled your eyes at your best friend._

_Dean smirked, watching as you leaned over the hood of the car, polishing whichever part you could reach, and decided that it was a particularly hot day, and you needed to cool off._

_“Fuck you Dean!” you yelled, wiping the water from your eyes, grabbing the second bucket and throwing the water at the older Winchester._

_“Oh it’s on. You better run!” Dean yelled, laughing as you ran away._

* * *

You came back to reality, sad smile on your face and a heavy ache in your heart.

“Could we ever… y’know, go back? To the way things used to be?” Dean asked, his voice barely over a whisper.

“Dean… you know…” you faltered, not wanting to flat out reject him but not ready to forgive him.

You knew it was hard for him to accept that it was truly over. You were still struggling, but you knew you had to stay strong, and stay to your values. Clearing your throat, you tried again, pulling the strength to speak from your Grace.

“Dean, I don’t think we can. I just don’t trust you,” your voice was hoarse, because god it hurt to say that.   
He used to be your most trusted friend and lover, and here you were telling him you couldn’t trust him. You rubbed at your chest, trying to ease the tight ache that had formed in your heart, and took a deep breath, pushing the ache away. You had to protect yourself first.

Dean swallowed, pain building in his chest as he nodded. He pulled you into a hug, and held you tight, translating all the emotions he couldn’t voice into the hug, softly murmuring “I’m sorry” over and over again.   
Eventually he pulled away, giving you a sad smile as he turned and began walking away. His eyes, once filled with a radiant sparkle, now shone with fresh pain and sorrow, and you knew that they would haunt you.

He paused, turning back to you. “Thank you Y/N. For everything.”

You watched, knowing you did the right thing, but hating yourself for it at the same time. He disappeared from your view and you let a single tear slide down your face.

_“Goodbye Dean.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and Kudos! They always make my day.
> 
> Send requests and asks on my tumblr! 
> 
> https://www.yoursupernaturalsammygirl.tumblr.com


End file.
